Saturday, October 17, 2009

Barney, The Cat

I've had a few inquiries and requests for a photo of Barney, The Cat. Here he is! My profile description mentions that I am the personal assistant to Barney, which is true. Barney took me on as his "P. A." about twelve years ago, when he was leaving the home of my sister upon the impending birth of my nephew, Matt. Barney was not willing to share a home with a newborn infant, so was actively seeking new accomodations at the time. Finding himself in search of a new residence and "P.A", Barney offered me the position after he had conducted a thorough inspection of my residence. He informed me that my employment was on a trial basis and that I would be offered permanent employment only upon having met his strict standards and requirements. I was reluctantly offered the job.

As can be clearly seen by Barney's expression in the photo, he merely tolerates my presence, and often finds me a nuisance. I am occasionally allowed on the sofa and the bed which he uses daily. When I am allowed to sit on the sofa with him or sleep on the bed with him, I am allowed only along the edge, since he requires the middle of the bed for himself.

Barney observes a strict diet, which he demands to be served, often at three a.m. He drinks only the highest quality and purest of water from an immaculately clean dish. My failure to observe his strict and demanding dietary requirements results in a vocal protest that will not cease until his requirements are met. This vocal display is accompanied by a forceful thrashing of this tail.

Barney, too, is a plant enthusiast, and often enjoys strolling about the plant room and sunroom as I tend the plants. He also enjoys horticultural journals, and will eagerly position himself squarely in the middle of whatever page I am attempting to read in the journal at the time.

Posted by Tim, Personal Assistant to H.R.H. Barney, The Cat.